yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
