In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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