just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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