Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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