he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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