Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
smell my finger.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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