I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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