Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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