My first STD was from a foam party
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
