yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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