I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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