What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
