They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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