You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
