That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
