Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
