he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
