I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
