Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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