I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
