I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
