you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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