I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
