your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
