but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
