i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
