Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
