I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
