Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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