I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
