We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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