Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
