she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
