that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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