My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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