i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
