Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
