Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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