3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
