I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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