Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
