Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You smell like stripper and shame
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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