Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize