if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
