It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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