I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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