if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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