So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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