WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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