he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
