my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
