if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
