It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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