She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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