You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
