also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
