im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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