Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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