You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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