You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize