I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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