either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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