you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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