Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
