p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
is it fun? or sober?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
