saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
