You just made me feel so damn special
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
